Losing License Consequences
I Hate The Loss of Independence
I could never have really imagined what it would be like to lose my license. I am sitting here, so dependent on others and while friends and family have been awesome, I cannot take advantage of their help. At the same time, hitch hiking back and forth is a really poor way of being able to manage time.
Three weeks ago, I could have just hopped into my vehicle and drove 20 minutes to see my son. I am missing him very much. To call on friends and family is to put them out and ask them to go out of their way. But they have their own plans.
I am only partly feeling sorry for myself. It’s not really feeling sorry – just a tremendous amount of regret that I put myself into a situation where I’d have my driver’s license automatically suspended for 90 days after the impaired driving charge, and the risk of a further year if convicted.
Well, I need some supplies so I guess I should get ready to go for a walk and stick my thumb out and try to hitch a ride to the town that’s about 5 KM away. Tomorrow, I’ll plan on hitching a ride to the town my son lives in, 30KM away.
A Week After The Impaired Driving Charge
It has now just been over a week since the accident and when I was charged with impaired driving. That means I have about 82 more days to go before I get my license back. Then, if convicted later of the charge, another year of no license.
I can tell you that I hate being a burden to others, but it seems that is my fate for awhile. All because of a stupid decision.
I really don’t know how I am going to deal with the next 82 days and any subsequent year after that without a license. It has been hard. It has been tough. Friends and family are doing what they can, and I can’t express my gratefulness to them enough for what they’ve done. But their is a lot of hitch hiking and walking in my life in the future. That is not what the Chinese Fortune cookie said though.
Yesterday was a tough day that started out with a bit of a medical scare. I discovered a lump, and decided to see if I could get into see my doctor pronto. I had to hitchhike the 30KM or so to the office, and then make arrangements. After hearing about the symptoms, the doctor wanted me to come in immediately. I walked. I was then examined, and the doctor wanted me to head straight to the hospital for an ultrasound. I walked to the hospital. Took me over half an hour.
Turned out the medical scare might not be so urgent which was a relief, but of course, my afternoon was wasted with walking. Previously, I could have driven myself to the hospital in about 7 or 8 minutes.
Thankfully in the evening, my girlfriend drove about an hour to come and get me at my office, help me get some supplies and groceries and take them home. Normally, when we’re together, I am driving and am opening up her door for her before I get into the driver’s side. Just seems too weird to open the driver’s side door for her, and then get in the passenger side. Seems weird to be in the passenger side of a vehicle. Any vehicle.
I have to admit that even with the help and assistance, I’m feeling pretty low about all of this. As I write this, I’m hoping a relative will be passing by in the morning and will be able to give me a lift to the office, but I’m not sure yet. And if he can help, I need to be ready on his schedule. It sucks to have your license suspended, and especially more so when you realize that it was a decision you made, and a stupid decision at that.
“Do What Everyone Else Does”
I was talking with one of my neighbours yesterday who wondered where my vehicle was. I sheepishly told him that the car was written off in an accident and subsequently my driver’s license was suspended. He sympathized with me and and asked, “Drinking and driving?”
“Something like that,” I replied. “My lawyer has advised me to not talk about it with anyone though.”
He told me some stories about some of his friends and what had happened to them. Then, he mentioned that it must be really tough to not be able to drive, especially in this area where the closest town is several miles away and my office is 30 KM away. The only way to get around is to be a burden to friends, try to find others that might be going in the same direction (and then depend on them and their schedule) or hope for the graciousness of other drivers while hitch hiking.
Then he said to me, “Well, do what everyone else does!”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, just get a vehicle and drive, and don’t get caught. That’s what everyone I know has done in this situation.”
In Ontario, the fines for driving while under suspension are pretty tough though if you do get caught. On your first offense, there is a minimum $1,000.00 fine up to a maximum of $5,000.00. If you do it again within five years, the minimum fine jumps to $2,000.00. You can also go to jail for up to six months and your license will be suspended a further six months as well.
If you are caught driving while suspended for an alcohol related offense like impaired driving or over 80 mg., the first offense penalty is even worse. Five thousand dollars on the first offense minimum and up to $25,000.00 maximum. You could also get an additional suspension Provincially and under the criminal code, five year suspension.
So everyone does it according to my neighbour. But if they are caught, it is an awfully dear price to pay.
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Hitch Hiking
It’s been almost a full week since the accident and charge of impaired driving was laid against me and my license was suspended. I am so tired of sleeping on the couch at the office, and being a burdet n to others. I can’t and don’t expect others to continue helping me out for the next three months.. perhaps 12 months.. and what will probably turn out to be 18 to 24 months.
Today I decided I had better try to be as independent as I can be, and thought I should try to get home. I recently purchased a small place about 20 minute drive from my office, in a rural area. It’s nothing fancy, but I can have a camp fire every night. It would have been much easier and better, if I had a vehicle and a license to drive.
So I decided to hitch hike. It was hot and humid. I had a 1.5 litre bottle of water with me along with my heavy laptop. I walked out to the edge of town where my office is, and stuck my thumb out. It was not pleasant. After about 20 minutes of sticking my thumb out, with some car drivers going by making fun of me, finally a good guy picked me up and drove me a little out of his way to the highway that I needed to go up.
Thankfully, the wait was not to long for the next guy to pick me up, and about 15 minutes later, I was home.
Time taken to get home? About 90 minutes. Normal time taken when I could drive? 20 minutes.
Tomorrow morning I have to repeat the process in reverse.
Finger Print & Picture Day
Yesterday, I had to go to the OPP station to have my fingerprints and photo taken. Had to get up early and then wait for a relative to pick me up. It was very embarrasing to me to have to go to a police station to have this done and feel like a criminal. When you drink and drive, and get caught, you are now a prisoner to everyone else’s schedule. And you become a burden to relatives and friends.
My relative and I had to wait until the camera and fingerprinting room was set up, we were told. The officer that did the photography and fingerprinting was quite nice and civil. She asked me a few questions related to the accident in a general sort of way, but I was advised by my lawyer not to talk to anyone about it. So I answered in with vague general answers. I’m pretty sure that the police office was just making conversation with me, but who knows?
In order to be released after the impaired driving charge, I had to sign a promise to appear at the OPP station to get finger printed and my mug shot taken. It said 10AM. We were there in good time and arrived at 9:30AM. My relative and I sat and talked for awhile before going into the station about ten minutes before the appointed time.
After, we waited some more. Another relative came down in the afternoon to help me look at my vehicle and get my stuff out of it. We were told by the owner of the vehicle pound that an insurance guy had already visited and had apparently indicated that to them, the vehicle was a write-off. And I still owe a lot of money on it. Because I was charged with impaired driving, if I am convicted, the insurance company won’t pay a cent for repairs, replacement, or anything else. They are required however to pay for medical expenses.
We made arrangements to get the vehicle out of the pound and to another place where an acquaintance will store the vehicle for me. He’s an auto body mechanic and thought there was a possibility the vehicle could be repaired using used parts instead of new parts. I have no idea what to do. Owing money on it, and trying to think ahead two years, and all of the different possibilities that could occur, it’s very difficult to make any logical or rational decisions.
After the accident, I have been suffering pain in my right chest. I have pretty much sucked it up but when my relative saw me wincing a few times, insisted I go to the hospital. After a long wait, a doctor advised me that I had probably suffered a cracked rib – it didn’t show up on the x-ray, but due to the nature of the pain and how it was manifested, it’s very likely that is what is causing the pain. Very small cracks don’t always show up on xrays.
It turned into a very long day and I did not get back to my office where I am sleeping right now until about 2:30AM. All of that time was dependent on other at least one other person to whom I am very grateful, but of course, it meant taking away their time from things they could have been doing with their family, to help me.
If you drink and drive, get caught, and are charged with impaired driving, it will not only affect you, but many others as well.
Social Disapproval of Impaired Driving
I am now understanding what it is like to be a social pariah after an impaired driving charge. I feel ashamed and embarrassed to tell anyone that I’ve lost my license and have no vehicle.
When I told a couple of my friends and family about what happened, there was understandably so, criticism and anger towards me but at the same time, there was at least some empathy. “But for the Grace of God go I” was the attitude of a couple of them. I’m not sure they will ever forgive me, but their help and support and promise to help me get through this has been to me deeply appreciated more than I can say.
One of my clients has offered me a place to put my vehicle if I need it. I am not sure what I am going to do with it, especially as I owe a lot of money on it still to the bank, and repairs won’t be paid for by the insurance company if I am convicted of the impaired driving or over 80 mg charges.
I suppose “acceptance” of one’s situation is the first step to overcoming it and dealing with it in a positive manner. I can worry about what is going to happen to me in the next year, or I can try to do what I can do. I can’t do what I cannot do, and I cannot control what I cannot control.
Still, it is hard to put the worry out of my mind. I fear this mistake and the impaired driving charge will end up causing me permanent financial ruin.
This Feels Like House Arrest
My office is in a relatively small but growing town. It’s not like living in a city where there is public transportation available at almost any time of the day and you can at least plan to get just about anywhere you want. A car is almost a necessity. There are no buses that travel up and down my road that will take me to the grocery store and back.
It’s only been 3 days now since my driving while impaired charge was laid and I lost my license. I can’t stand the thought of being a whole year or more without a driver’s license. I had signed up my little son for soccer earlier in the spring, and now I am not even sure how I am going to get him to soccer games and practices. They are held on the other side of town, and it would take us a good hour to walk there.
The effects of an impairment charge are vast and one probably doesn’t realize how it changes life so much.
I hate having to ask other people for help. But it seems I am going to have to do that. I hate the thought of asking other people to help and end up bugging them or being a nuisance. I’ve been a very independent person for most of my life, and I keep trying to think how I can keep as much of my independence as possible but it’s not looking good.
Last week, I moved into a new residence which is about 30 km away. It was to be a five to six month residence where I could get my head together and start doing more of the things I enjoy doing. It was to give me until October to find a more permanent place to live other than where I have been, at my office.
It looks like I am going to have to resort to hitch hiking to get back and forth between home and the office. But then, how do I visit and drop in on clients? The majority of my friends live in other towns and cities that are at least a 45 minute drive away, and there is absolutely no public transit from my town. As well, I have three older sons that live a six hour drive away. I no longer will be able to hop in the car on the spur of the moment to go visit with them for a long time.
It is devastating in many ways, the effects of a stupid decision. The thing is, I hadn’t had that much to drink that day either. I had some beers in the late afternoon and evening while doing some writing, and then had a nap for a couple of hours before I made the decision to drive. When I awoke from the nap, I had a glass of wine while pondering some things and then made the decision to drive. I did not feel impaired.
Perhaps they are correct when they suggest not driving after even one drink.
Walking And Thinking
It was a beautiful day today – the type of day I would have normally hopped in the car and taken my son fishing. But after the impaired driving charge and accident, I have no car, and I have no license so I couldn’t even borrow a car if I had wanted to.
I don’t know how to tell my little boy that he and I won’t be going for drives together for a very long time.
I woke up with very sore back and shoulder muscles. And as the beautiful day went on, I sat in my office feeling terrible and ashamed. I’m also smoking more than two packs of smokes a day now, which is not good at all.
In the afternoon, I realized that for a good long time, I am going to have to walk places. Is there an upside to this? Perhaps – perhaps I will get into better physical shape. I thought I would go and see how far I could walk in an hour.
I ended up walking downtown and then headed west out of town. West is the direction I would mostly drive when I’m heading out of town. In 40 minutes, I had reached the road that I would take my son to play soccer. Normally a 5 minute drive with my son. How am I going to get my son to soccer games? I can’t expect him to walk 40 minutes there and 40 minutes back after playing soccer.
I kept walking until I was right out of town. I walked an hour, and thought, “If I had my vehicle, I would be 80 km away by now.” Instead, I was probably only about 5 KM from my office. I decided to keep walking, and walked another hour. I was feeling tired and had slowed down – probably another 4 KM in the second hour. Watching cars drive by me.
I came along a herd of cattle and they eyed me curiously. I eyed them back. And I realized that I have a lot to be thankful for. I am alive! I was not killed in the accident.
After about two hours, I decided to head back. Four hours later, my legs are now stiff and sore to go along with my back and shoulders, but I have a better idea now of where I can go in what time while walking. Time walking that I could have been spending earning or fishing or doing things with loved ones.
But I am alive.